An Alien's Resumé. For the Humans.

And I Could Just Scream

2010-06-26T01:22:00.002+08:00

And curse at myself. Trying to be a leader is hard indeed. Ah well, at least it's better that I screw up now than later...

NS is good. It teaches you so much about yourself, and I'm beginning to suspect that that statement applies especially to me..

Life Update

2010-04-06T09:15:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry for not posting anything for so long. I've been so caught up with life that really, I've had no time or interest for blogging. In some ways, I've become sort of apathetic to the whole process.

Then again, blogging is cathartic. Putting your feelings into words just helps to rearrange your thoughts and make everything clearer to you.

I've decided to change blogskin yet again. While I like the picture at the top of this, the words are way too small, plus the white contrasts too strongly with the black, creating, as De Wei in the chatbox there called it, a "huge number of small white words".

Now I just need to get along with doing it..

Oh well, after this law internship of mine, it'll be NS. See what happens then..

Spring Cleaning

2010-02-16T01:35:00.001+08:00

The act of spring cleaning has always been somewhat painful for me, not least because I’m the sort to leave tidying up to either someone else, or sometime else, both of which tend to be fictional concepts. Aside from that, however, it is the very real idea of throwing personal possessions away which disturbs and agonises me the most.

By looking at the mess on my table (and bags), one could conclude that I am extremely lazy and disorganised. Items ranging from papers to plaster wrappers to even sweets and finger puppets all lie there, sitting and collecting dust. While it is true that I am one of the messiest people you could ever meet, many of said items contain a significant amount of sentimental value to me. Today, after three months, I finally got around to throwing away the stack of papers which made up two years of sweat and effort in SJII. Notes, worksheets, exam papers and even the meaningless doodles drawn in maths class are all now officially erased from my presence. But as I picked up a stray history note which had fallen from the main pile, or as I caught a glimpse of a maths examination script, I was held in a small moment of nostalgia and loss. Never again would I live to experience a class in SJII as part of the pioneer IB batch. Never again would I have the chance to take down notes while discussing our latest novel in Mr Anandraj’s English class. Never again would I be able to walk down the corridors and enter the classrooms as a student of the school.

I am now an alumnus. The person who comes back, cracks a joke or two with the current students or has a small chat about the past with the teachers, but is ultimately now an outsider. Normal school life rushes past me in a blur of noise and laughter, chiming school bells and discussions of homework. This is no longer my world.

That’s the problem with the past you see; it’s always behind you. You can never visit it, because try as you might, it’s never the same. Now, I have a picture of the stack of papers. My sister ridiculed me, asking me why I bother doing something so silly. Telling me that if I wanted to really keep memories of the past I should be taking individual shots of each and every sheet of paper. My brother told me that I should be angling the stack better, that I should have a theme of sorts. But that’s not what I want to do. I don’t need individual shots. I don’t need better lighting or better angles. I don’t need to design a theme. That’s not how life works. You don’t create a theme for it. It is whatever theme it is. Likewise, the picture of my student mementoes says exactly what I want it to say: a pile of all the work I’ve ever done, stacked rather haphazardly, appearing rather drab, a perfect representation of how I as a student would arrange my stuff. Perhaps in ten years time I’ll be the only one to remember what it is, and that’s fine with me. Because this is my work and nobody else’s.

But this isn’t even half of what Spring Cleaning is supposed to be. To some, it may not even be about Spring Cleaning at all. For isn’t the whole point of this ritual one of new dawns? Out with the old and in with the new? Maybe this is where my character flaws come to light, because in many ways I am still stuck in the past. I realise I still possess many childish tendencies: I generally don’t question conventions, I can be overly-emotional, I expect my wants to be fulfilled by others and not by myself... The list goes on and on.

I still am stuck in my own past, despite the fact that miring myself in it is both pointless and detrimental. As I said earlier, living out your past does nothing good. It’s the present and I need to be reaching out for the future. As someone in the twilight years of teenhood, it is assumed by society that I am becoming a responsible adult, ready to take on the challenges of the crazy grown-up universe. Being surrounded by younger folk who are more mature than me is an even stronger stimulus for psychologically growing up (whether this in itself is immature is something I continue to internally debate). But letting go of the past is painful.

However, it is the season, is it not? If there’s a time to do it, why not now? Why not try becoming a new person for the new years ahead? At the risk of sounding clichéd, it’s my life, and I need to grab it by the neck and throttle it into submission.

And yet, I foresee many difficulties ahead. With this stubborn character of mine, any such tasks will prove to be an uphill battle.

After all, I still have many other old SJII notes scattered around...

Admission

2010-02-08T15:56:00.005+08:00

I admit it. Recently, if I've ever been a Christian, it's always been because I didn't want to go to hell.

And I may not know much, but I know that staying in a faith just because you're afraid of eternal damnation is wrong.

As it is, goodbye. Maybe we'll meet again, you and I. In a different form most likely. All I know is that I'll have changed by then.

Life Update

2010-01-13T12:11:00.002+08:00

Guess what? It's been.. What, a week since I've gotten back my IB results. I'm overall quite thankful for them, although English HL is pissing me off.

Still, applying overseas is gonna be tough, especially when you consider trying to get scholarships.

All in all though, life seems to be going at a pretty smooth pace for me. I'm getting my internships at film companies sorted out, searching for religious truth at my own pace, and getting ready for my NAPFA.

Of course, with the good there's the bad. A certain issue with parents, helping a really good friend trying to get into SJII and fretting over it.

I wonder what'll happen to my blog eventually when I get a job and go into NS...

Trepidation

2010-01-05T22:17:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow I'm going to school to collect my IB results from the Glass Hall. The ceremony commences at 11 in the morning. It's in a 'public context' as the sms says.

I'm worried. I might have problems sleeping tonight.

Urgh.

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T23:59:00.002+08:00

Greetings all. As you can see, this is a new blogskin. Finally. Although I’m not entirely pleased by it, I still think that out of all the literally hundreds I’ve looked through this one suits me the best. A nice way to start the New Year, no? With something that suits you.

Of course, you’d expect my New Year to be a good and happy one. Not really... While I did have fun yesterday, I got drunk. Like... Seriously very drunk. Like... Lie down on the road and not care what the passersby are whispering in disgust drunk. Oh, and you can’t forget the vomiting part too.

This is the last time I’ll ever intentionally get myself high on alcohol.

Still, there’s that part of me which is checking off that box on my Life List of things to do, namely the “get so drunk you’ll regret it forever and ever” sentence. But yeah, this was the first, and the last time I’ll purposely experience something like that.

Anddddd of course there’s also that part about staying at someone else’s place because you’re so drunk you don’t want to go home at 2 AM in the morning. Unfortunately, you didn’t tell your parents of this change in plan. And when you get home, expecting your parents to laugh at your silly little escapade (oh don’t worry son, we know that this is one of the things that you should try out), you find out that they’re the sort to abhor getting kicks from alcohol. That, added to the fact that you changed the plans without personally telling them (I sent them an sms that I was staying the night somewhere else, however they didn’t know that I had done so till I called them at nine in the morning, whoopteedoo), would just inevitably result in you getting grounded.

How long, you ask? According to dad, it’s till he thinks I’m responsible and mature enough to handle myself. How can I show that to him? Well... He’ll decide for himself.

And in retrospect, yes, I do have nobody to blame except myself. I had stupid incentives for getting drunk (lowering social inhibitions, getting high, blah de blah blah), and I should’ve personally called my parents to let them know I was changing the plans. Still, it kinda stings that I’ve now officially missed two other parties I was supposed to attend.

Ah well, such is life.

At least I know I won’t be forgetting this New Year in a hurry.

Should all acquaintance be forgot my friends. And don’t get drunk. It sucks. Like. Seriously.

(Post-midnight edit: As you can see, I beat being late by a minute. Hah!)

Rush

2009-11-28T16:22:00.002+08:00

Blogskin is just a temporary one. Looks really plain I know, but not as bad as the other one. I've been rushing around so much. I've had no time to really do my own stuff at the computer, time to myself..

I haven't even really had enough time for facebook!

And now I need to rush for the airport in half an hour..

Sayonara dear world! I might see whether I can do anything to this blog during my trip, but till then, don't expect to see much of me till after the 13th.

Over

2009-11-22T16:17:00.002+08:00

It's all over!!! IT'S ALL OVER!!!!

Prom night was a blast, as was the chatting after that at the CHIJMES bar. Still can't believe that we spent half an hour walking around aimlessly (Niko, Cheers is NOT MacDonald's) before going back to CHIJMES to sit at a bar.

People made up. I know I was very pleasantly surprised when Andre talked to me... Others did too..

And we had our endings...

Sigh..

Goodbye SJII.. I'll miss you.. So much.. You've made such a huge impact on my life.. Memories on Facebook for everyone to see...

We'll all come together again as a cohort to talk about our results on the 6th of January (exams were alright. We can talk about those next time). Virtual meetings.. After which.. Well.. Goodbye... Sigh...

(Note to self: Change your blogskin Jose. It looks horrible right now)

Pity Me

2009-11-15T20:48:00.003+08:00

For I take French. And French is on Friday.

Just yesterday I had a horrible dream. I dreamed that Dr Underwood was giving our IB history papers back and that I had gotten horrible grades. The first question was asking about the impact Gordon something (I can't remember the name) had on trench offensives in World War 1 or something like that. It was such a badly done question, same thing for the question, then I got an okay score for the third question, then I flunked the last question again.

Then I woke up.

Then I told myself not to be stupid. Of course the teachers wouldn't mark our IB papers. And of course I wouldn't do World War 1 in Europe for History Paper 3. And of course I didn't do four questions for a paper I only needed to do three questions for. And of course the teachers wouldn't give us back our marked scripts.

The exams have a way of screwing around with your mind.

Still, what's done is done. Now I need to study and study for le francais. On Friday. Eurgh.

Ack Ack Ack

2009-11-09T20:34:00.002+08:00

So far, the exams have been alright. However, tomorrow is really scaring me. History HL in the morning and bio main papers in the afternoon. I'm pretty much starting my history revision right now..

Bio needs to be revised very badly.

This isn't good...

On a side-note, I don't think anybody really knows why I don't like studying China in the death stages of the Qing Dynasty. Well.. Personally.. I just don't like it. China then was extremely messy. I think of Qing Dynasty China and I think of all the opulence and corruption of the court, the overcrowdedness of the cities, the lack of proper law and order going around, and it just messes with my head..

Qing Dynasty China repulses me for some reason. It's a sad place and time and I'd rather not have anything to do with it. Post-Qing things become relatively less messy, but China's still a horrible place. This is why I like Japan, because everything's so orderly and nice and, really, who doesn't find the rise of an Asian power during the high times of Imperialism fascinating?

Yeah.. China depresses me... Then again, I know a lot about Mao, maybe because he himself is a fascinating study. The way he controlled minds so easily, the impunity with which he killed millions, the iron grip he had over China.. It angers me sometimes to read about Mao. That's probably why I like studying about him. I know so much about him...

Okay, back to work.

Avalanche

2009-11-05T17:28:00.002+08:00

You know how they say the tiniest snowdrop can start the largest avalanche?

Today's metaphorical snowdrop was the maths paper 1. Except that it wasn't a snowdrop at all. More like a mini-avalanche.

But that ain't all folks. Oh no... The avalanche is coming, my timetable proves it so.

Friday: Maths paper 2, Econs papers 1 and 2.
Monday: Econs paper 3, history papers 1 and 2.
Tuesday: History paper 3, bio papers 1 and 2.
Wednesday: Bio paper 3, English paper 1
Thursday: English paper 2

Yeah, as you can see, the avalanche just pours down and down, except that Monday's predicted to be the most destructive day. Oh wait.. After that, the new snow will settle. But there's still a bit more unstable snow at the summit, and it'll finally crash all the way down the next friday.

Friday: French ab initio papers 1 and 2.

That's my schedule. Well.. At least I have a whole week to study for French. God knows I've been slacking.

I'd better go put on my survival gear now..

A Joke (1 Minute Break)

2009-10-27T22:39:00.004+08:00

(MACROECONOMICS)

An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
_______________________________

(MACROECONOMICS)

A student was taking a class taught by Milton Friedman at the University of Chicago. After a late night studying, she fell asleep in class.

This sent Friedman into a little tizzy, and he came over and pounded on the table, demanding an answer to a question he had just posed to the class. The student, now awake, said, "I'm sorry, Professor. I missed the question, but the answer is increase the money supply."
_______________________________

(INTERNATIONAL TRADE)

Achieving free trade is like getting to heaven. Everyone wants to get there, but not too soon.
_______________________________

(ALL EVALUATION FROM HERE)

Economics is the only field in which two people can receive a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.
_______________________________

The First Law of Economics: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist.

The Second Law of Economics: They're both wrong.
_______________________________

"If you put two economists in a room, you get two opinions, unless one of them is Lord Keynes, in which case you get three opinions." (Winston Churchill)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In some strange way, I'm actually gonna miss the opportunities and environment in which I can get these jokes...

Less Than Two Weeks Away...

2009-10-25T20:51:00.002+08:00

THE EXAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ritual

2009-10-17T11:42:00.002+08:00

I went to school and I cleaned out my locker. Two year's worth of impedimenta all taken away, leaving behind an empty space. This was the place where I had left my junk for those days in school where we'd chat during recess and laugh during lunch. And as I took away my lock, I shut the door, ready for the next student who would be using my space.

We always view the past through rose-tinted glasses.

I feel my memories turning pink.

The Last Day of School

2009-10-15T21:21:00.002+08:00

Today was the last day of my school life at SJII. Today was the last time we had lessons in a normal class setting. And since it was the last day, we had to play pranks all round the school. Here's a list of the pranks off the top of my head:

1. Somebody replaced the national anthem CD with "Everybody Dance Now". Picture a bunch of students seriously expecting to sing the national anthem, only to hear a falsetto voice singing, "Everybody dance now!" followed by a catchy hook. Sigh... If only our anthem were that fun..
2. Sam was a retard. He took vaseline and placed it all round: doorhandles, railings, whatever. Everyone was complaining.
3. The guys also used the PA system to thank the teachers and try to play pranks. Among other things, they said, "Would Mrs Underwood please come to the library? Somebody is bending books! And they're bringing books out without a ziploc bag!" and "Would Mr Thorpe please take off his tie? It's too bright."
Pity there wasn't enough emotion. Never mind, come after the IB, you guys do it again, this time I'll come along and give you that extra oomph. =P
4. In econs class we Conga-ed round the school, going into classrooms and disrupting the otherwise quiet atmosphere of the afternoon. Dum-dum-dum-dum-duh HEY! The video's on Facebook (I'm in the process of uploading them). You can go to view it if you want.
What a pity Thiru, Menon and Juns weren't there. And that idiot Roth was injured and in the hospital. It would've been so fun!
5. Mr Wong's car and Mr Scheelbeek's motorbike were given a makeover. A la toilet paper. I hear that there're photos of that too. Can't wait to see them!

If there were any other pranks, just tell me guys. I'll add them to this list.

And now we have two weeks of hardcore mugging. But tomorrow, I have to go back to school. Forgot to clear out my stupid locker. And forgot to write down my name in the list of people who've borrowed Bio exam practice papers.

And now.. Now that it's sunken in that today was the last day of school, I'm actually feeling.. Sad.. Those two years were so quick... And I'm gonna miss all my friends.

That's it. I'm gonna cry at prom. I just know it.

Friendships

2009-10-10T10:51:00.001+08:00

Last night I went out to the SJII Art Exhibition. I met up with Jessica, Rachel, Chris Tee, Ian, Wei Jie and Yinto and we all ate at Thai Express (tom yum, beef pad thai and avocado milkshake FTW [and FTCalories]). After that we went to the art exhibition where I met up with other guys: Nat, Lex, Sid, Matthew, Wei Jin, Zhen He, Ernest, Marc and many others, even a friend from a long time ago who shot up to 183 cm DURING JC (I feel so short). The group then split and joined with a few others and this time we proceeded on to Billie Bombers for some supper drinks. Laughs were had (I hate innuendos) and the conversation flowed. Finally at 10:45 we started to make our own ways home. I accompanied Jessica part of the way back as she painfully hobbled along on her high heels (sorry I laughed so much at you Jessica. One day when you look back you’ll see the humour in the situation too =P).

And finally, after two years in SJII, I think I’m beginning to understand how friendships truly work. Firstly, you don’t choose your friends. So what if some of them have flaws? You have your own flaws too. If there’s something about them you don’t particularly like, they probably feel that same way about you too, but they’re still your friends.

Secondly, you can’t try to be everyone’s friend. You can’t try to make yourself the friend of all. Sure, you may end up doing that, but guess what? When you’re feeling down and blue, you’ll find out that though you have people to joke around with, you have nobody to give you support. And the jokes add on another burden as you struggle to maintain your cheerful and jolly facade. It’s inevitable that you become closer to a small group of people. It’s inevitable that you’ll end up spending less time with other groups of people. But we only have 24 hours in one day, only one life to lead. You can’t develop great friendships with everyone, that ain’t something you can do.

Of course, there’re many other smaller rules, but these two are the main ones which my time here has taught me. And after two years in SJII, I think that I’m finally starting to grasp the concepts behind creating great friendships (although I foresee that there’re still many more lessons I have yet to encounter).

Isn’t it ironic how I have to learn this when there’s only a week left of SJII as I know it left? But I guess there’s a reason for this. It’s a pity that it took so long, but at least I’m learning this lesson now. As they say, better late than never.

Yesterday I spent $34.30. If you know me, I’m a miser when it comes to money. I look for free stuff and always hate to spend. Therefore you might be surprised that I, the person who finds $34.30 in a day an exorbitant sum, am willing to part with it. But here’s the flip side of my personality: I save up my money for special events. Going out with friends is a special event and any physical money I have to say adieu to is worth nothing when it comes to the friendships I’ve managed to strengthen.

There’s one week of school left. Then two weeks of mad studying. Then two weeks of exams. Then freedom till NS. In this limited time I have left, I’d better do what I can. I’d better be saved by all my friends.

Ack Ack Ack

2009-10-07T20:23:00.000+08:00

I just had a discussion with Mr Wong a few days ago. Apparently our school is getting more and more selective. We’re now looking for candidates with an average L1R5 of 14 or 15, compared to last year’s 16 or so. Hmm... This means that soon enough we’ll be on par with some of the better JCs. So keep this in mind folks, entering our school is getting increasingly difficult, starting from this year.

Also, I think that my revision’s getting better. Although it’s still not as good as I’d like it to be I’m actually starting to make quite a lot of progress. I’m practicing commentaries and history essays and am soon going to start econs practice after I finish going through the whole guide book and make my notes.

I can’t believe that these are my last two weeks in SJII. After this it’s goodbye to school life as I’ve known it forever. I’ll have to enter the army, then after that go to university where a totally different atmosphere will prevail. America, Britain, Australia, or who knows where? I might even just stay on this island.

Ah, who am I kidding. Jose, get your stupid huge head out of the clouds. You have the IBs in a month. Get back to studying.

*starts memorising the sequence of a nerve impulse*

Ah Thank Goodness

2009-10-03T20:45:00.002+08:00

My panic switch kicked in on Thursday. I finally feel stressed (yay) ! Now I can go and get all my white hair and lose sleep over the examinations happening in a month's time!

And I finally got my regime worked out with Mr Z. Hopefully it works out and helps me by the time of the IPPT. And since we're on that subject anyway, guess when I'm most probably doing it? You guys may call me a nut, but looking at my exam schedule, I think I'm going to book mine not for the wednesday in three weeks, or four weeks, but in five weeks! And guess when that is?

No prizes for deducting that it's November 4th, the day before my very first paper.

Yes, I can hear everyone saying that I'm crazy, but the next day it's only Maths SL (yes, I did say "only"). And it's in the afternoon, and since the IPPT will be only in the morning this leaves me with a lot of time to practice, practice and practice, which would have been supposed to not mean a thing as I would have presumably been practicing a whole lot more before then.

I'm crazy. Yes.

And look at the time! It's almost nine! Time to start on my history!

One month to go, followed by around two weeks of craziness (the second week doesn't really count as I'll be spending 8 **** days at home supposedly doing nothing but studying for French).

I'm on the train to Insanity, and I think I lost my ticket.

Did You Know?

2009-09-30T20:10:00.003+08:00

That it's only a month till the IB exams? Why do I still feel so unstressed?

Celebrated Rowly's birthday by singing karaoke yesterday. We went to the place at Katong Shopping Centre, and we found out that the lady there spoke only Mandarin. Since I was with the scholars, guess who had to communicate with her?

Yeah...

Also, guess who hasn't been practicing Chinese in two years already?

Yeah...

So try to guess how embarrassingly horrible it turned out to be?

You know the answer ladies and gentlemen.

But still, singing your lungs out for two hours is quite fun. So that's a happy birthday to you, Rowly!

Also, today is Hilda's birthday. I finally gave her the present I've been keeping in storage ever since the Assisi Carnival: a little turtle calender thingy. I saw it there and said to myself,"Hilda would like that." and got it for her. And at last, today I gave it to its rightful owner. Of course, I then had to find out that her Chinese teacher started to suspect that I liked her... Dang...

Of course, I cannot forget the other September folk. Namely, Sameer and Jessica! I still can't forget your cake Jessica. Loved it. =P And the next time I go present shopping with Foomz, I'll bring my walking cane. Girls shop for waaaaaaay too long.

And yes.. We come to IPPT. Verdict?
Standing Broad Jump: 224 cm - D
Situps: 43 - A
Sit and Reach: 52 cm - A
Shuttle Run: 10.3 s - B
Pullups: 2 - U (I am ashamed to admit this)
2.4 km Run: 11:21 - C

I failed. As did almost everyone. The only people who passed were David, Sameer and Jinx. Needless to say I momentarily hate them. =) Sigh... So I worked out something with Mr Z. He's gonna help me with a training regime for the next 3-4 weeks. Hope that works out well. I so don't want to go for an extra two months of NS. Give me my holidays please.

Soooo.... Now... I need to start revising for my stupid IB, starting with the history test I have tomorrow.

And after the IB, we're gonna solve us... You asked me not to forget you. I won't...

Progress So Far...

2009-09-20T19:07:00.001+08:00

Schoolwork? Check. I’m currently managing well enough. Admittedly, things aren’t going as well as I would’ve liked due to the tok presentation (it’s on Tuesday! ARGH!) but I’m not behind schedule.

Friendships? Check. I’m reaching out again, starting to feel more like the old me and I must say, it’s feeling good to begin reaching out again. Less than two months but what the heck, might as well make an enjoyable two months. I look forward to NS so that I can make more friends, start afresh, avoid the errors I committed while in this school, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t treasure what I already have and am trying to get.

Exam preparation? Let’s skip that for now.

Life? Going along at a contradictory pace. At times I feel like I’m zooming along a racecourse, with barely enough time to myself. At other times I just feel life time couldn’t pass any slower. And I can feel like this multiple times within the same day.

Perhaps an example would illustrate the last point very well:
I can’t believe that we only have one and a half more months till the IB exams! ARGHHHH!!!!
I can’t believe it’s only been two weeks since I last saw you...

The truth

2009-09-18T23:38:00.003+08:00

I just got some advice from someone today. We should all seek the truth without any set goals in mind, cause if we don't then we'll probably just end up skewing whatever we find out to fit what we want to get.

So what should I be doing? I treasure honesty. But that's not all I treasure..

And why am I thinking about this now? I have my stupid ToK presentation on Tuesday...

Journey to the Past

2009-09-12T15:43:00.001+08:00

When you think about it, time has passed so quickly. All that’s happened to you, all the people you’ve met, all the things you’ve done, all gone in a flash. More than a year ago, I made a decision that changed my life forever. I shed so many tears of pain and laughed like the sun would shine forever. My world alternated between dark and bright, my life went through pain and joy. I danced with bears and flew on painted wings. I felt like I lived. I felt like I died.

And now, more than a year into the future, it’s come a full circle. I’m back where I started. It’s like nothing has happened. But of course, that can never be true. I’m stuck with memories which would overfill a book if I put them into writing. I’m stuck with emotions which refuse to tear away from my heart.

While I was consumed with my own emotions, life went on. Upon re-entering it, I feel like a stranger in familiar surroundings. Who are you? We don’t know. Wait... We do know, but you left us a long time ago. Well, what happened while I was gone? Why, we carried on.

Re-integration is key; I cannot remain stuck in this hole. Hopefully it’s not too late to build what I’ve not much time left to construct.

And while I try to fit back in, I shall keep to my promise. Somewhere down this road, I know someone’s waiting. When the time comes, I hope not to disappoint. For now, all that remains is the pain of separation, tinged with a hope for the future.

One step at a time. One hope then another. So many things my heart still needs to know. But that’s for later.

God, please see me through. I pray you grant me what I need.

School Life

2009-09-10T21:26:00.002+08:00

I've never really understood what's been happening. Sometimes, I feel like I'm just drifting away from the crowd. My group of friends has dwindled (not that it was ever really large to begin with) and I've been consumed with feelings of loneliness. I've been through a lot these past ten months, and that's perhaps what's been damaging my social life. Then again, maybe I'm just suffering from a sudden lack of companionship.

It sucks.

I've never really been the social guy. People see the happy smiling Jose, always ready to crack lame jokes and do silly stuff so that people will laugh. But strangely enough, sit me down with a person and it somehow becomes exceedingly hard to get into a conversation, save for some people. Maybe it’s a lack of social skills. Maybe it’s a lack of confidence. Maybe it’s just me being me.

I’ve made a promise to myself. I’m going to be more confident now. Two months left and I’ll leave SJII. Don’t wanna make these last two months a bad two months. Need to go out with friends, need to start rebuilding bonds, need to focus on my exams (screw that...)...

And when the feelings come, I’ll just have to push them away for now.

You just gotta hate stuff sometimes don’t ya?

Sigh

2009-09-06T17:19:00.000+08:00

Why must this happen now? And two months till the IB. Two months till the Os. Two months till the As. Two months till Singapore goes into exam mode, pulling us along with it.

Sometimes you just gotta hate parents.

Sometimes you just gotta hate doing the right thing. The logical thing.

The Holidays So Far

2009-09-01T19:39:00.000+08:00

Well, I managed to watch Up on Friday. Pity it wasn't in 3D, then Saturday passed mindlessly killing France and other European nations on Medieval Total War 2. Then Sunday was spent doing the same and going to Baybeats to take cool photos (only got two bands though, didn't want to stay back for Anberlin (or Amberlin [or what the heck]).

Monday wasn't too well spent with work, though I did manage to find out that my history IA is slightly screwed up. Yippie. And today, Tuesday, I did my bio notes and am now trying to get a STUPID WORKING TOK PRESENTATION TOPIC. ARGHHHH!!! After which I'll go through theory of the firm (hate it so much. Eurgh).

Of course, that doesn't mean I haven't been enjoying myself. For one, I appreciate being able to sleep for eight-nine hours. Yay to that.

Oh, and guess what? After twitter, I'm going to tumblr. Yes, I certainly am hopping on many bandwagons here. Pretty soon I'm going to lose my footing and fall into the abyss.

Now shush while I wrack my brains thinking of a sufficiently cool tumblr domain name.

Beautiful Mess

2009-08-23T21:22:00.001+08:00

My life is such a mess right now, everything's crashing into each other. Identity, love, family, religion, morals, exams. Everything ranging from the deep to the superficial is sloshing around in my mind.

Still... But what a beautiful mess it is.. Despite the crap situation I'm in, love is everywhere...

Mom.. Dad... God... You....

I need to get my life back on track. Starting with these exams of mine. Ending in one week, and my steam's gone down by a lot. That's bad. I need to power up.

Long live life.

My poor head..

2009-08-17T20:29:00.001+08:00

One day in... Maths tomorrow. Me barely knowing a thing. And econs following immediately after. Me barely knowing a thing..

This isn't going to be a good two weeks....

Exammmssss... Exxxaaaaaammmmssss

2009-08-16T15:53:00.000+08:00

I'm so gonna die. Wish me luck. Let me write my will. Let me die.

*drowns in paper*

The 11th August

2009-08-11T20:54:00.000+08:00

Endings
New beginnings
Cycles
Renewals
Anniversaries
Deaths
Ashes
Trees
Life
New friends
New experiences
Love

The 11th August, such an eventful day. So full of significance.

One year.. Celebrations of something old. Mourning of something lost. Joyfulness at the new and unexpected. Peace. Contentment.

Goodbye and hello. But it's for the best.

It always is.

And to you, welcome back.

The 11th August, such an eventful day. So full of significance.

Who knows what next year will bring? Something new? Nothing at all?

But for now, what a day... What a day....

For always.. What a day still..

Quoting

2009-08-10T18:07:00.000+08:00

"So you want the emotional part with me, and you will whore around with hotter sexier people...
(pause)
And your parents think I'm a bad influence why?"

- Christopher Walken, on his relationship with Joanne Howe (in one of the scenes of his movies)

Interesting quote...

I should be working now...

And Then.. The Miracle Happened..

2009-08-09T12:16:00.000+08:00

There are times when you can’t see why things happen, when you look at your situation and cry and curse at the world. And when you’re all alone, and your ship is sinking in heavy seas, you find that behind you a friend has come back, and you realise that the world isn’t so bad after all and that yes, there is a reason why things happen.

I have never been so convinced that God exists..

Thank you... Thank you…

Dilemma

2009-08-07T22:19:00.000+08:00

What do you do when you want to cry your heart out, when you want to tell your secret to someone, when your chest is bursting with the desire to pour out your troubles to someone, and yet there's nobody to tell.. There's nobody to tell not because there's nobody, but because you can't tell..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like Eskimos..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope of a season and memories. Happy memories. Of snow and joy and family and peace. Perhaps the saddest thing about these happy memories is that they don't exist..

I am a sad soul...

When will my Merry Christmas come?

Kitty Byebye

2009-08-05T16:48:00.000+08:00

The kitten died. I just found out when I came back from school...

I'm slightly depressed... But out of the 200 emails I sent out, only 2 people actually had any sort of lead.. Sigh.. I almost feel responsible..

I shall just bow my head, hunch my shoulders, and recognise that life needs to go on..

I Need To:

2009-08-03T22:18:00.002+08:00

I need to:
- Study for the upcoming exams
- Finish all my homework
- Keep and make my friendships
- Know what's right
- Take care of a kitty currently residing in my home
- Update my blog

I must do all that?! ARE YOU MAD?!

And the list isn't even finished yet... Sheesh...

I'm Pissed. Seriously Pissed.

2009-07-26T15:55:00.001+08:00

I just had a look at the IB exams coming up in November. My last exam is on the 20th of November, Friday. It's French ab initio. The paper before that is English HL. There's only one slight problem. It's on the 12TH OF NOVEMBER! EIGHT DAYS BEFORE!! This means that I have 8 days of nothing happening in between! THIS MEANS THAT I'M GONNA BE IN A LIMBO FOR 8 FREAKING DAYS! WHYYYYYY??!

This is just like the stupid O Levels all over again.. MCQs being all the way at the very end... With a stupidly long break in between them and the main papers, so that you don't know whether you should be studying or resting..

Please let it come quickly. If you gotta kill me, at least don't drag it out.. Noooooo....

What He Said

2009-07-25T13:53:00.000+08:00

General MacArthur: I shall return
The Terminator: I'll be back

Two men, one real one fictitious. Two phrases, one meaning.

I'll follow suit. This mess behind me needs to be tended to. But not now. Too much to do.

I'll be back...

Opposites

2009-07-22T19:03:00.002+08:00

Something just struck me today.

You'll never know what loneliness is till you've known what it's like to have somebody.

You'll never know what sadness is till you've known what happiness is.

You'll never know what it's like to feel crappy about a day in your life until you've known what it's like to have experienced a day filled with joy and contentment.

Without one, there can't be the other. And while it's been painful, I'm grateful...

The Ocean

2009-07-19T20:15:00.006+08:00

Life is a journey. We must sail it by ourselves. Friends and lovers will come and brighten up our lives, but nobody is permanent.

I've gone through some rough times. I've gone through my own storms, my crashing waves and howling winds, when the sky seemed dark and the sun was forgotten in the blackness that was in my heart. When I was blind to true peace and contentment, and knowing what it was like to sit down and know that I was who I am.

But now... The storm is over... The clouds are parting.. The sun is coming... I know where I went wrong, and my past... It's hold on me is loosening.. I'll never forget the past, but I have to focus on my future... My past will help me for my future, but it must never be my future.

All memories, happy and sad.. They are to be cherished.. But in this journey we lead, there's only one way.

Forward...

I've found my guide, my compass is working..

It's pointing upwards, towards God..

Did I say that we have to make the journey on our own?

I guess I was wrong...

The Hard, Hard Journey...

2009-07-17T21:03:00.000+08:00

This journey is going to be hard... So much harder than what I ever anticipated.. I've been so emo these past few weeks... A climax, followed by a lull, then the second climax..

Both heart-rending in their own ways... Both making me come to the realisation of the complexity of the human psyche. I'm gaining a clearer understanding... Our ignorance does runs deep, doesn't it?

I want to call someone, yet there's nobody to call.. Nobody to explain anything to..

I want to go out, yet we're all so busy.. And now that I think about it, true friendship is so extremely elusive. My best friends have left my life.

I can't allow myself to wallow in self-pity though, can I now? I must go out and live.

But the sticky, sticky strands of glue are holding me back. My heart is held in place by a vice of pain and hurt.

Oh, this is going to be a hard, hard journey...

The Final Blow

2009-07-16T20:18:00.000+08:00

It's been dealt. The final blow. Now, I'm truly alone. Now, I'm truly free.

In this bewildering emptiness which faces me, I need to use the morning star as my guide. God above..

I'm writing a new chapter. The pages are blank. The choice is mine.

Reality beckons...

Screw It

2009-07-14T23:31:00.001+08:00

Something's wrong with me. I've been having mood swings. Thinking reasonably angers me when I'm having these mood swings. I just checked the wikipedia entry for bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder. Doesn't look like I'm afflicted with any of those.

Well then, what IS wrong with me?

It doesn't help that each day is like beginning to feel like I'm reading the same book over and over again, except that while the chapters remain the same, the story doesn't.

A sumption of manic depressive, anybody? A la Rue de la Madness?

Lonely.... I'm Mr Lonely...

2009-07-09T15:16:00.002+08:00

Isn't it funny how stuff turns out? On those days when you're feeling down and out, and when you have nothing to do?

This longing for... intimacy.... It just strikes so hard... Friends, family, romantic interests... All giving intimacy of some kind. All lacking in some way...

Perhaps I should just take a bike ride out in the evening.....

Maybe I'll cycle in the rain.....

Contradictions

2009-07-05T14:08:00.000+08:00

I love my school, I really do. The people there are wonderful. The teachers are generally fantastic. The holidays are nice and long. The freedom is astounding.

But I'm depressed.

I want a kick from life right now. I'm mostly sitting at home, alternating between panicking about that mountain of unfinished work and wasting my time away. I want the holidays to never end. I don't want to go back to school. I don't want to get back to life.

But there is no escape otherwise eh?

Who do I miss? What do I miss? Why do I miss?

All these unanswered questions...

I feel like packing off by myself to Sweden or Norway, to go along the fjords and climb and take photographs and sing and just let myself be one with nature, never to have a care in the world except setting up my tent, cooking my food, and wondering what the next sunny day will bring.

I love life... But sometimes it just gets to me...

Oh the irony...

Restarting

2009-07-02T20:55:00.002+08:00

The holidays are ending. Can't say I'm sad to see them go. This holiday period was tough.

And I still need to do a lot (read: most) of my work.

Gosh, please let H1N1 strike the school so that we'll have one week off....

~~~~~~~

I'm always growing. I always am...

The Rainbow Connection (Lyrics Added)

2009-06-30T11:31:00.002+08:00

Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong wait and see.

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Who said that wishes would be heard and answered when wished on the morningstar?

Someone thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing and what do we think we might see?

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
All of us under its spell.
We know that it's probably magic.
Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.

Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me.

World Scholar's Cup, Day Two

2009-06-15T12:13:00.002+08:00

Great time, great event overall. Really was impressed by Daniel Berdichevsky, the guy who organised the whole thing. This is what SJII got:

Jose:
- 2nd for History (senior division)
- 2nd for Visual Arts (senior division)
- 3rd for Literature (senior division)
- 8th Top individual overall (senior division)

Hilda:
- 1st for Essay Writing (senior division)

Desiree:
- 5th for Literature (senior division)
- 3rd for Essay Writing (senior division)

Ian:
- 5th for Literature (senior division)
- 3rd for Essay Writing (senior division)

Jose, Hilda and Sandesh:
- 3rd best group for Essay Writing (senior division)
- 10th top team overall (senior division)

Thiru, Desiree and Ian:
- 1st best group for Essay Writing (senior division)
- 11th top team overall (senior division)

What a high-powered group we have. Yay SJII!!

However, we felt that the debates weren't judged very objectively throughout the whole competition. Hopefully that can be improved upon for the next competition.

Also, we felt so bad and embarrassed for the other countries who did come (half of those who were supposed to come didn't because of Swine Flu... Bleaghs). Why? Raffles Institution and Raffles Girls swept the awards. It was Raffles, Raffles, Raffles, Raffles over and over and over again.... You could almost hear the sighs of resignation...

Next time, I think that there should be a team limit. There is one, but it should be lower... Much lower.. Otherwise it's almost gonna make the whole competition pointless if it's just gonna be won over by one or two schools (what's worse, they both share the name Raffles, which just make them seem even more like one school to outsiders).

Plus, the dinner at the end of the whole thing was fantastic!

Of course, the whole experience with the whole SJII team was simply great as well. Can't forget this experience. The stupid jokes, the laughing, the whole... "Oh gosh when will it end?", the stress during the Scholar's Bowl (which is like this huge MCQ session for the team). Unbelievable.

Oh, and you can't forget the alpacas! Daniel Berdichevsky is obsessed with those creatures, and they're really cute. We got alpaca dolls and finger puppets! W00t (stop staring at me)!

Great time... Great time... Next year, if it ain't too expensive (it's gonna be held in another country), SJII should send more teams in, even for the junior division. It'll be great fun for everyone involved, trust me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It arrived in the mail today.

Something will return. It may take a while...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to everyone who wished SJII all the best for the WSC! As you can see, we've got class!

Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you....

World Scholar's Cup, Day One

2009-06-13T23:29:00.001+08:00

It was fun. Talked with some people from other nations, got to interact. Joked, laughed and fooled around. So much today. I actually managed to finish the essay this time. The Scholar's Challenge (that's the MCQ) was easier, save for maths (mostly intelligent guesswork [if you can count "Hmm... This feels like the correct answer" as intelligent]). Debate, our team won both rounds. Yay to that! Although I wasn't chosen to go up for the debate showcase (yes, I'm an egoistic piece of crap), to be honest, I didn't like the debate showcase at all.

I made my opinion clear when they called the audience members up (it took a lot of convincing and mental psyching for me to finally volunteer to go up) and it seemed like it was pretty well-received, although I could've said much more much better... At least the main points got through.. And I got a giant alpaca stuffed toy! Yay!

It was a fun day..

I enjoyed myself a lot..

Can't really wait for tomorrow (my shirt is hanging on the bed in front of me. My maid has washed it and it's now drying [I perspired a lot and this was the best shirt I had, I had to go and get it washed for tomorrow too]). It should be another fun day to get to know other people and to have fun with my team.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But that doesn't mean that I've forgotten you.

Not at all..

When somebody cares for you enough that they would let you go when you need to... It's a God-given chance. And not only that, it's a God-given person.. I've been blessed..

Memories...

Good.. Bad...

You need to go out. You need to go out and have fun. You can't stay at home all the time. But you have your work to do... It's a balancing act which you (and I) will need to carry out.

The holidays can be the most depressing period of all because of the loneliness one can face. Don't let that happen to you.

The last day of the World Scholar's Cup is tomorrow. Let there be fun and happiness.

P.S.

2009-06-12T17:10:00.001+08:00

I don't know whether you're going to listen to me or not. I've asked you to make so many sacrifices already. I've asked you to do so much already. But here's one last thing I'm requesting for you to do for the future.

Could you, just like me, record a private journal of your own? There are several reasons why I would like it if you did this.

1. Writing about one's feelings is extremely releasing. By writing it all out, it allows one to get another insight. By placing thoughts into words, one is forced to put his thoughts into coherent language, making it ultimately easier for him to understand his feelings.

2. Besides being extremely releasing, this also allows one to gain a clearer understanding of the situation and will at least give an idea of what to do.

3. And... In the future... If the situation ever arises... I.. I would like to trade mine with yours.. I'm writing my journal. It's painful. But it's helping me.. And I would like to know about your journey too... Why? There are so many reasons. And I don't feel like discussing them here. You don't need to trade, you don't even need to show it to me if you don't want to. But to me, this last point is something like a bonus. This isn't the most important thing.

You can do this in any way you want, be it on paper, on the internet, on the computer, through voice recordings. Anything. It just helps.. Don't keep it all inside..

I'm not forcing you.

But I care for you.

You know when I talked about my life being full of people who are so good to me?

You're one of them.

Again... Goodbye... You take care...

Oh, Boy..

2009-06-12T09:40:00.001+08:00

I have never felt such pain, such misery before in my entire life. It's as if my whole body is shaking. Yesterday, I cried like I never cried before. I have never shed so many tears. Feelings of pain, of confusion, of guilt swept through my heart in torrents, one right after the other, each building up on the other. I felt so selfish. I felt so hurt. No words can ever truly describe how I felt last night. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't. And just last night, arguments with my father. My mother screaming at my father. My father screaming at my mother. In all my years, I've never heard him scream the way he did last night. And I'm feeling like a fool.

Can you imagine sobbing on the bed, crying out someone's name and apologising to them over and over again?

I'm feeling so terrible...

Oh, boy... What have I done?
Oh, boy... Why did I do this?
Oh, boy... It's not me I worry about the most... It's you.
Oh, boy... I have my friends, my family, my religion. But you don't have anything.
Oh, boy... I have never felt so guilty as this. I gave this up for the truth. I gave my relationship up for an ideal.
Oh, boy... Please don't do anything.. Please.. I'll cry my heart out even more if I find out that anything has happened...
Oh, boy... Remember what I said? You need people around you. You need others.. Someone...

Yesterday, when I woke up, I felt depressed. Today, when I woke up, I felt even more depressed. I've never felt depressed in the morning before.. Mornings always held some cathartic quality to me. Now... Although the magic spell has been cast, its effects have been dampened by reality..

When I woke up, I lay in bed, trying to go back to sleep. I needed to sleep. But I couldn't. So I went to my mom. I asked whether we had any sleeping pills. We don't. She told me not to be sad. I just ended up crying....

I've never cried in the morning before..

I walked out of the room and she followed. As I sat there crying, she came to me and gave me advice.

Paraphrased quotes from my mother:
"Son... You cannot allow yourself to be responsible for someone else's happiness. It's unfair to you. People need to become independent. You do, and so does the person you've broken up with."
"Don't become depressed over this. Don't stress yourself out. Don't let it affect your health, your sleep, your studies."
"Remember, we're all responsible for our own lives.."

They helped. But I'm still sad....

The world seems dark. I feel lonely. I need to mourn. To grieve. I need to move on.

So do you...

In the winter, I shall wait for the spring.
After death comes life.
Out of the barren cold ground flowers shall bloom and grow.
The birds shall sing and the sun shall shine.

But not now... It's too soon...

If this is for the best, then I'll go through with it.

God, by whatever name we know you, in my darkest hour of need, I pray that you help me. God, by whatever name we know you, I pray that you don't help just me. Someone else needs your help so much more than I do. I'm surrounded by good people God. I'm surrounded by people who care for me, who are willing to help me in my hour of need. Thank you for them. But someone else needs people too... All love comes from you, that's what they say. And so send love down. Send it down till it pours and washes away all pain and suffering..

And just as the trees grow after the winter, so do we. The both of us. Our own separate paths. Until we meet again. I'll keep a journal of my own, charting my journey. Perhaps one day, if the situation is right, I'll show it to you.

Goodbye is the hardest word to say...

But goodbye... So long... I'll take care.

You too..

Once Upon a December...

2009-06-11T12:03:00.005+08:00

Dancing bears,
Painted wings
Things I almost remember
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December

Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...

Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember,
Things my heart used to know,
Once upon a December

Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...

Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember,
Things my heart used to know,
Things it yearns to remember...

And a song someone sings
Once upon a December

10 months.....
10 months.....

Goodbye...

For now..

Parents

2009-06-10T08:53:00.002+08:00

What happens, when kids and their parents start to split? When the parents start to tell the kid that he's hurting them the most? What does the kid do? Does he do what he wants, or does he stop? When the kid is already 18, and starting to get ready to face the world, do his parents still have the same amount of authority that they used to have over him?

And when the parents love the kid, don't things become even worse?

And when the kid loves his parents, what else can he do, if he still wants to live out his own life?

Papa, mama, I love you. And I know you love me.

Why does doing the things which please the people you love the most have to hurt the most?

Argh

2009-06-09T15:49:00.001+08:00

I'm currently talking to some lady on the line to see what's wrong with my internet connection on my PC...

She's put me on hold. At least the music isn't so bad....

(I need to work. Dangit)

It's the Holidays

2009-06-09T12:12:00.002+08:00

Here I am, sitting at home. At my sister's table (she's gonna scold me if she finds out that I'm using her table), trying to psyche myself up to do work. Unbelievably hard, especially considering the fact that the holidays have just started. But then again, argh....

World Scholar's Cup on Saturday. The real thing.

Hope that SJII can leave a mark!

And also.... I've still got a lot of note-making to do. Bio. French. Bla bla. History even. Oh gosh.. And don't forget that I want to re-do my history essays and then email them to the teachers so that they'll have something to do during the holidays (insert evil laughter here).

Dang. I better get to working now.

P.S.
I'm hooked onto Medieval Total War 2 again. This is really bad for my working schedule....

Joy Pain

2009-06-02T22:42:00.004+08:00

Oh we worked and we toiled and we sang and we played
And we worked all night all day
We worked for the boss who was quick and was sharp
And he whipped and he stang and he said

We were slow we were dumb we were thick as old rum
We had no place here in his place
But through the kindness of his compassionate soul
We were allowed to stay one more day

Frivolity? What's that to me?
I seem to make no sense
It's just the rumblings of a sad little boy
Whose brain was barely worth a tuppence

Someone dear to me's lonely as can be
Yet how can I sympathise?
Crying now, that won't do. Laughing tears. What how who?
My poor heart. It really cries.

But what can I admit? I'm quite in a bad fit.
I feel like I am going mad.
Hurting all, cackling hard. Down a fall, play a bard.
Oh my brain it has been had.

Roald Dahl, turn your grave Silly man. Silly knave.
What a foolish man I am.
And my toil, with this song. Can you now sing along?
Might as well say I am Sam.

Down my face water runs. Eyes which glow. Dying suns.
Who knows what the day will bring?
Pain of joy? Joy of pain? Sun and moon? Sun and rain?
Does it really mean a thing?

Of course it does.
You fool...

To Be Real

2009-06-01T18:19:00.003+08:00

(World Scholar's Cup was fun. But now at least we know how to answer the questions. We need to do much better teams! Whoohoo!!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Recently I've been searching for authenticity. To know what I want. To get what I want. To know what is real. I've been faced with many questions. Many answers. Right? Wrong? Accept? Reject?

And in this search, I may find answers which I don't like. But I know that I must act on them, to protect what is good and to create what is right. It's never nice to lose one thing.

But I think that with enough perseverance, and with God's help...

We can achieve the unachievable...

Jazz Night

2009-05-28T21:11:00.002+08:00

I sang. But it wasn't good enough. Let There be Love by Nat King Cole.

Maybe I should stop singing so many love songs, at least that's what Rowland suggests... Hmm... Next time (not that there'll be a next time any time soon...) I'll sing something else more swingy then... And not so sentimental...

But still, I really thank all those who supported me. I LOVE YOU GUYS! =) We should really do this more often. Get some culture going in this school!

World Scholars' Cup this saturday. And I've barely studied a thing. Way to go Jose. Way to go...

Friends

2009-05-23T10:26:00.002+08:00

Just went out with the guys to Carl's Jr after the personal grooming yesterday. My gosh it's been so long since I last went out with anybody. It felt great to just laugh and crap around and forget about all stress and worries while making a ruckus and causing other people to glare at you (okay we didn't do that deliberately, but it just happens).

I now owe Tsao Hui $20 but I think that I'll be able to live with that debt. I'll return you Tsao Hui! PROMISE!

And after that I went home to play DotA with a few of the other guys. Yet again another activity which I haven't done in so long.

Sigh... I need to carry on building my friendships. I seriously can't believe that we only have less than half a year left in SJII.

We need a three-year IB program...

Friends are great
Friends are fun
They help me be
Completed. One.

Friends are great
Friends are fun
I wouldn't replace
Any one

Inspiration

2009-05-17T17:22:00.002+08:00

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

“I meant what I said and I said what I meant."

“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”

I love these quotes from Dr Suess... Especially the second (although it's not strictly true a lot of the time) and third one.

Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind..
There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

Hahaha.. Can't help but bring a smile to my face, these quotes...

=)

2009-05-12T21:52:00.002+08:00

Hi Chris!
Hi Matthew!
Hi Danielle!

(http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/singaporeseen/viewContent.jsp?id=69363) =P

The comments are hilarious.

Fmylife

2009-05-11T23:20:00.002+08:00

Today, I spent two hours looking through this website. I'm hooked. It's soooo addictive; reading about other peoples' lives which are so much worse than yours. And so funny. And so sad.

And... I've got a history test tomorrow. I'm doing last-minute desperate cramming.
Andd... On a more sombre note, the secret's out to almost everybody. What's the use? Might as well shout it out. Some people just can't be trusted. Psht.

FML.

Dilemmas and Decisions in the Key of Prokofiev: D minor, Op. 11 (The Clue's in The Firsts)

2009-05-04T21:27:00.006+08:00

Hello hello hello hello.
Cheat cheat cheat cheat.
Win win win win.

Mad mad mad mad.
Worst worst worst worst.
Why why why why.
Lie lie lie lie.

Lose lose lose lose.
Fail fail fail fail.
Fall fall fall fall.
Pass pass pass pass.
Learn learn learn learn.

Life

Life

Life

Life

East of the Sun

2009-05-01T21:19:00.002+08:00

I've joined the jazz singing competition. Don't know why but I'm starting to think that my voice is only mediocre. Sigh. Well, just watched Britain's Got Talent auditions last night and I think that the choice of song is reaaallyyyy important. Hence, I'm gonna think hard before even attempting. And maybe singing alone on stage isn't gonna get me something. Perhaps I should try dancing or something. No, wait, I can't dance. Scrap that idea.

We'll see what happens.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, presenting the 'Orrible 'Ose!

(I hope not. Argh.)

Incidentally, Diana Krall rocks. I mean, seriously. Live in Paris in one of the best jazz albums you can possibly have.

Finally... The EEnd?

2009-04-28T21:48:00.004+08:00

EE is done. EE is gone. Whoopteedoo!

Of course, we still have lots more left to do. But I'm feeling weird and so crazy and geared up for carrying on all my work for the IB. ToK and History and World Scholars' Cup. Bio IA and maths and whatever is up.

I'm going slightly mad.

And perhaps slightly incoherent too.

What a pity.

Screw this.

Like I said, I'm doing my best to not screw my life up. And I hate it whenever this subject comes up, for we can never come to any conclusion. And yet we always get so hung up over this. And yet we always end up getting depressed. Can't you see that my life means so much more? Does that have to be the one single factor by which you end up judging my life?

Before This Week is Over

2009-04-23T21:02:00.002+08:00

I've gotta do some stuff by tomorrow. It's gonna be a crazy school day. I have three periods tomorrow.

1st Period: French. There's an oral examination which is gonna be graded for the IB.
2nd Period: Bio. We're gonna go through our IA results. Which is gonna be graded for the IB.
3rd Period: English: I'm gonna be doing my IOC. Which is gonna be graded for the IB.
4th Period: Freeeeee... But wait... I'm gonna be talking with Underwood for my EE. Which is gonna be graded for the IB.

Somebody please tell me how I got into this mess...

On a side note, the crazy wind last night apparently whipped through the whole of Singapore. My house bears testament to that wind. Just take a look outside my balcony. The PVC roof we put over it snapped and the piece which broke off blew into the neighbour's house. According to the NEA, the mean speeds ranged from 33-54 km/h with the strongest wind speeds recorded in the west. Guess how strong they were.

83 km/h.

And according to them, we can expect a few more squalls coming our way from Sumatra. Although they won't be as severe as last night's one, thank goodness...

Lost the Debate.

2009-04-19T19:14:00.003+08:00

We lost the quarters to VJC. Crap. It was a split loss, which is in some ways only marginally better. I felt really crappy regarding it, knowing that I had screwed up and knowing that it was also because of me that we had lost. This made me extremely depressed. So then I started going on and disconnecting myself from everyone at the venue, thinking of how horribly I did and what would've happened if I had done better, because I had more experience. Fortunately, with the guys to perk me up, with Mr Wong and Marc to help me think properly, and thanks to You, it started to become better.

A. Debate is a team effort. Everyone contributes. No one person takes all the blame (unless he/she just stops speaking for 8 minutes) and on the flip side, no one person takes all the credit.
B. To think that the team is so dependent on just one person (aka me) is really very selfish.

So I stopped. And started to feel better. Plus, Marc really helped to put things into context. 4/5 of us had only started debating one month before. If being able to go up against seasoned teams and managing to go to the quarters isn't an achievement, I don't know what it is. Go team! And also, the lunch at Siam Kitchen (so much for a Thai Express at Parkway) where everyone laughed and had fun just helped me to destress.

Sigh... I'm already 18. No more one more year of IB left for me. I'm already becoming old. A senior. The age where people start to look up to you. I'd better learn how to fit my mold soon.

Good thing cause the photography club I'm setting up seems to be coming on just wonderfully...

On another note, thanks to my parents for the lovely lunch today in celebration of my birthday!
Pro: It was a fantastic lunch. Loved what they had. Swiisotel! Buffet! Yay!
Con: I feel like I've taken in 10,000 calories. This can't be good. In fact, I'm full enough to not eat dinner. Gargh...

Debate... Sigh...

2009-04-16T21:26:00.001+08:00

Right now.. I'm just floating in a zone somewhere.. Dang.. GET ME BACK ON EARTH SOMEONE!!!

Besides that, I'm really nervous about debate on Saturday. I've been underperforming so far. I need to get back to my potential. And fast. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!

And ********, smile a bit k? Yes, this is for you. Right now. If you're reading this at this time, that is... =)

Happy Birthday

2009-04-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to me.
Happy biiiirrttthhhddaaayyyy to Jose Hong...

Happy birthday to me!

Today, to celebrate my birthday I went to participate in the MIDC Debate Competition Day 2. We won one debate and lost one debate. Hopefully we can pull through... So much for a birthday present eh?

On the other hand, I was greeted with a surprise upon my return home today. I opened my gmail and lo and behold, there were 20+ Facebook messages all telling me that people had written on my wall. Almost all of them being birthday wishes. Never before have I had such attention, even if it were on Facebook. Gotta admit that it made my night happier.

And you know, I'm not gonna put my pictures of my presents here on blogger yet. Not because I'm lazy (well, I do still have a lot of work to do) but because I haven't received all my presents yet. So on Monday, when I finally receive my presents (*glares at certain individuals*) I'll put the pictures all here!!! MWAHAHAHHAA!!!

Okay, enough fooling around. Even though it IS my birthday, I still have an EE to complete. Argh...

Birthday Celebration @ Charissa's Place

2009-04-08T21:28:00.002+08:00

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!!!
And thanks for the presents, weird as they may be... Very. Very. Very. Weird.

I'll put them all up here on my birthday. =)

April Tomfoolery

2009-04-01T20:41:00.008+08:00

I think that the holidays are an evil construct meant to remind students that although they're resting right now, there's always that looming threat of school once the holidays are over. When this realisation washes over the poor teenager, the bugger who first thought of holidays starts chuckling in his grave.

April Fools'. Birthday coming soon.

And for an April Fools' Day treat, I shall present a wonderful picture of my family holiday to Malaysia. When we were on the way to go through customs, we saw something which sent a nice chuckle going through the car. It said so much. Propaganda whoopee... (note: you'll need to click on the picture to get the full experience =)).

Holidays.

2009-03-31T23:46:00.000+08:00

What’s that feeling when you want to retreat from the world, to look back on your life and see it all as a dream. The people you’ve met. Passing spectres. The events you’ve experienced. Surreal memories. Your future. A wide expanse of emptiness which stretches far into the unknown?
Now is the time for rest. Now is the time for reflection.
I look at all the work set out for me. I look there. And I see nothing. My life now feels so empty. Almost as if I have no family. No friends. No enemies. No others.
Purposeless. Useless. These temporary respites from school are nothing but temporary removals from what my life has been. What my life has centred and focused on.

Rest? Undoubtedly.

Blessing? Certainly.

Curse? Definitely.

What is reality, really, but what you decide it to be?

My Hands..

2009-03-27T21:43:00.001+08:00

I'm stressed. Holidays? Yeah right.. I still have so much work to do! I NEED A 4 WEEK HOLIDAY TO COMPLETE ALL MY WORK!!!

I need to brush up on my French. I can't let it pull me down.

Same thing for History.
Same thing for English.
Same thing for Biology.
Same thing for Economics.

Oh gosh...

Dinner

2009-03-22T19:18:00.005+08:00

Despite all my work, despite all my IAs, all my deadlines, all my stuff which I need to do, I'm glad I went out with you yesterday.

If I had pushed it again, things would've popped up and I would've pushed it again, so I'm so happy that we finally just went out. I'm sorry that I made you wait, but I hope that yesterday more than made up for it.

Seven months in the making... Heh, this is something quite amazing, isn't it?

Happy belated birthday darling.

I'm glad you love your present.

I love mine too....

DRAAAGGG

2009-03-18T11:33:00.003+08:00

School's a drag. After the EE, after the debates, everything seems so... meaningless now. The holidays are in a week's time. Everyone else in Singapore is having fun holidaying right now.

This is unfair. Unfair. Argh.

Oh, we still have our econs commentary and our maths IA you say?

DRAAAGGGGGG!!!!

Pain.. Pain.. Paaiin....

2009-03-11T21:31:00.002+08:00

Just a few days ago, maybe on Sunday or Monday, I felt a pain at the back of my gum, thinking that it was just another stupid ulcer, I decided to let it rest and let it run its full course. On Monday, the pain suddenly increased unbelievably in magnitude, so much so that I actually took around 15 minutes to finish a sandwich. The pain kept on going on and on and on and on. I continued to put some powder on it (Zhenhe and Wang will testify to this). It got better, but it was still very painful.

Today, I think I found the cause for it. I realised that the pain was at the back of my lower gum. And I realised that the same thing seemed to be happening to the other side. I went to wiki some stuff on the net and found out that teenagers around my age suffer the same thing. It's called pericoronitis and "it usually occurs within 17 to 24 years of age as it is when the third molars start erupting" because I apparently having brushing my teeth well enough, thus leading to bacteria infecting the area (then again, it ain't my fault as it is hard to brush the area where the wisdom tooth is just erupting).

Ouch... Pain... Pain... Pain....

Done With My EE!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-08T20:58:00.004+08:00

I'm sooo haappyyyy!!! I'M FINALLY DONE WITH THE STUPID THING!!!! YAAYYY!!!!!!!
This reminds me of a conversation I was having with Sandesh the other day about the IB. It went something like this.

Me: Isn't it crazy how much work we're getting?
Her: Definitely. *starts to list out the various crazy assignments given to us by the IB*
Me: Yes, exactly. But then again, you gotta admit, the satisfaction that you get upon finishing your work is tremendous.
Her: *laughs* Yeah. You receive a crazy-ass assignment, and when you complete it, you get this feeling of joy, only to realise later that you're happy about a piece of work.
Me: Almost makes it worth doing all the work, doesn't it?
Her: *laughs again* Well, not quite.

And that's how I feel right now. Although I'm absolutely ecstatic over the completion of my EE, there's still that little part of me there at the back of my head prodding me rather unpleasantly and saying, "You still have a lot of work to do for the IB" before laughing sinisterly.

But never mind, I'll try to suffocate that voice with the pink fluffy cotton candy cloud I'm on right now while I do a pretty interesting quiz I got from Rowland's blog.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Instructions:

Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, and
write the FIRST definition it gives you. You’re going to find some pretty funny results. Try not to take offense to some of them! Then tag 20 people!

Just like Rowland, I'm also not tagging anyone. Besides, I doubt that many people would do it right now, since they're all probably rushing the EE.

1. your first name: Jose
The most common name for Mexican males.
Person A:"Jose!"
Millions of people:"Que?"

Probably a good thing I'm Singaporean, eh?

2. your last name: Hong
somone that is brave, trustful, no fear, very loyal and would never backstab. Either you are smart or very skilled in fighting.
hongs do not have fear

I feel appreciated and loved. =)

3. your birth month: April
a female of wise words. Often regarded as a "panda" person. These types of females are very energetic and friendly, and when you see these types of girls down, you feel down too.
hey, dont feel so down. Thats not very april of you.

Then again, I would've preferred the 3rd definition, seeing as I'm not a girl.

The 4th month of the year. In which National Marajuana Day is celebrated on the 20th. Is Avril in French.
"What's today?"
"April 20th"
"NATIONAL MARAJUANA DAY!!!"
"...pot head..."

Now THAT'S more like it. =P

4. your age: 17
The right age to start having sex, according to Chef on South Park
Chef: "The right time to start having sex is 17."
Sheila: "So you mean 17 as long as you're in love?"
Chef: "Nope, just 17."
Gerald: "But what if you're not ready at 17?"
Chef: "17, you're ready."

HAHAHA! Hmm... What should I do with this piece of info? =P

5. your favourite animal: Rabbit
reference to a vibrator, or "personal massager" used for sexual purposes, specifically one with multiple, or variable speeds.
I used my rabbit last night, and it left me all tingly.

Err... Crap...

6. your current location: Singapore
5 types of climate: hot, very hot, damn its freakin' hot, wow look roast human char siew all over the streets!, otherwise.

4 common interest among all typical Singaporeans: Food, glorious food! Shopping, Welcome to the Great Singapore Sale! Toto/4D, come Saturday Sunday.. will I win? (bai liu li bai hui bu hui kai), Education - "Boy AH! u finish tuition homework liao or not! Later got piano lesson! AIYO! Your spelling learn already anot?!"

3 MRT lines: North South line, East West line, North East line

2 hours(approx): is needed to travel from one end to another end of Singapore.

1 common language: Singlish "See liao lah... What you want?" "SCUSE"
Singapore is rojak.

LOL

7. your favourite number: 7
The fiercest digit known to man.
7 is the fiercest digit because 7 8 9. Ha

Yay! My favourite number pwns all!!!

8. your favourite movie:Princess Mononoke
An anime movie, origionally released in 1998 (?). Directed by Anime god Hayao Miyazaki, the film bombed in US thearters. Now, considered one of the greatest animated films of all time.
Fuck anyone who disagrees.

AGREE TOTALLY! Actually, I'm just in love with anything that's made by Hayao Miyazaki. =)

9. an object closest to you: Keyboard
What you currently have in front of you. Commonly used to input words into a computer.
Wow! There's a keyboard in front of me right now!

Meh.. Boring, but otherwise accurate.

10. the last person you talked to: Sister
your sister is the girl that will always be there for you and may save you one day, wether you know it or not. your sister may or may not be related to you and could just be an amazing friend, but either way your sister is always slow to judge and quick to forgive. she will always love you, she might just hide it from you.
stevi is like my big sister, i love her and always will.

Awwww.. I love my sister too. Only just learned that one needs to interact her in a certain way in order to really appreciate and enjoy being with her. =)

11. your nickname: Errmmm.... Most people now just call me Jose, except that they modulate it foomz style, resulting in something which slightly resembles a foghorn. Think: "JoooooOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOseee!!!!"

JoooooOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOseee isn't defined yet.

Mwahahaha....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, that was fun. And now.. Time to continue on with my other work.. Sigh.. the IB does kill, doesn't it (albeit slowly and rather enjoyably, especially with fun crazy friends to be around with).

Time Management

2009-03-02T20:09:00.002+08:00

What does one do when he gets this feeling that he needs to blog but somehow can't because he can't seem to think of anything to blog despite the fact that so much has happened in his life?

Ah wells.. Must be the stress going on... Although in the storm of my life which currently contains the EE (*runs around and dies screaming*), I must say that there is a bright sliver. That is, my fitness has definitely improved. NAPFA trials today, and I must say that I was quite astounded by my own progress. Haha, looks like training up does do you LOTS and LOTS of good. All I need to focus on now are my standing broad jump and my pullups.

Can't believe that Mr Toh looked at me doing my standing broad jump, and said in a loud voice, "Your thighs are HUGE!"

Talk about embarrassing situations....

Well, he qualified this later on by saying, "With thighs and calves like that, you should be able to jump very far!!" But there's still that tiny pinch of embarrassment which refuses to go away.. Argh. I need to practice a lot. And lose the fats there.. It's my bane, those thighs..

And of course, I do have other bright slivers in my life (You know who one of them is =)). But of course, like all things, if we don't control and manage our bright slivers, they might just become bad. So we gotta manage our time yeah? Both together and with our work. Don't want bad things to happen to things which can be so good. =)

And now... back to work...

But just before that, I'd like to say something to that pile of work currently in front of me..

AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

闷

2009-02-24T21:17:00.002+08:00

我觉得很闷。不知道为什么。可能是因为我还有很多不要做的功课。

Je suis très enneyeux. Je ne sais pas pourqoui. Ça pourrait parce que j'ai beaucoup de devoirs que je ne veux pas faire.

I'm really bored. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have a lot of work which I don't want to do.

长作文，我恨死你。（别笑，我不知道怎么用华文说‘EE’）
La dissertation, je te déteste...
EE, I hate you.

La ploclastinashion. Weeee....

Under Pressure

2009-02-19T20:37:00.002+08:00

I've been under pressure.

Under the pressure of my work.
Under the pressure of my CCAs.
Under the pressure to upload the Grade 11 Camp pics onto facebook (HOLD ON WEIJIE I'LL DO IT TOMORROW I PROMISE).
And I've also been under the pressure to blog. =)

Well, I've been meaning to do so. However, there was a problem with that. You see, whenever I blog about something meaningful to me, I always like to blog a lot. And when I blog a lot, I take a lot of time to blog. But I don't have the time to blog because of the IB. So I can't blog.

But then I realised that if this were the case the pressure to blog would keep on going up and up and there would always be new things to blog about. Therefore I'd keep on putting blogging off and would never ever get around to blogging, leading to the slow but inevitable death of this blog. So today I just forced myself to start blogging again to halt the slow grinding halt (repetition is a literary device used for emphasis [a la Mr. Anandraj]).

Anyways, I shall blog about the Grade 11 Camp first. Well, what can I say? It was a fun experience. Fulfilling and enriching. It also revealed things to me about myself which I found rather unpleasant. But first, the good things. The Grade 11 kids (yes, I'm calling them kids despite the fact that they're only a year younger than me and are also generally taller. It's to comfort my injured ego. Mwahaha)were able to share and experience what being a Lasallian was about, despite some flaws. And for their candlelight dinner they had curry and rice instead of porridge. I didn't attend it though because I had to go to lead my church's Valentine's Day Event which I was co-leading with someone else.

Sidestory: When it came for me to lead, we found out that the electrical system was totally destroyed. Mics: not working. Amps: not working, which in effect meant that all the lovely instruments we had didn't work at all. So what I did was to bring everyone together and we just sang with two acoustic guitars. In my personal opinion, this worked much better because everyone HAD to sing their hearts out. It's amazing though, when up there, I just felt so much more confident and felt like I could do anything. God does things for a reason, and we had somebody accepting Christ. =)

Back to main story: This meant that instead of rice and curry I had lots of nice buffet food which ended up making me feel like a glutton. And I originally wanted to cab back and reach school by 10 because that was when affirmations began and I didn't want to miss them. Good thing I finally arranged something with my mom and she sent me back. This was after an argument the day before where I got scolded for planning to use money like that. It's a good thing that my mom sent me back to school. Just as I reached the glass hall, I found the Grade 11s giving each other affirmations. They had pushed affirmations forward. This meant that I would've missed it even if I had cabbed back. Of course I felt slightly despondent, but Sarah gave me a card (thanks so much Sarah!).

Us facils and the Lasalle people then went to eat roti prata and curry (ssshhhhh) and I got forced off my diet (again). Yes. Forced. They were all egging me on and laughing at me. In the end I ate one of Mr. Wong's wife's brownies. Extra sin. But oh my gosh it was gooooddd. This was then followed by a late night chat. Very late. With Mr Wong, Hilda, Wei Jin and Rachel. I fell asleep halfway and was woken up to go to the Grade 11-12 Centre to sleep. Apparently the first question I asked upon being woken up was, "How old am I?" How silly can one get? I then stumbled my way to the centre, with Mr Wong having to support me and Hilda and Wei Jin laughing like mad behind.

I woke up late the day after. Very late. Sigh... Not a good facil thing, but I then went to get the photo show ready for later on. We had technical problems and I had to rush off to my Debate Excellence Program (DEP) training, leaving Hilda and Mr Wong behind to complete the job. I found out later that Hilda had to go to be with her group, leaving Mr Wong to go and edit the thing himself, despite it being Hilda's and my responsibility. Oh, and that's not the only thing I left. I was rushing so much that I had just left and dropped everything in school. All my stuff and my bag and my sleeping bags and etc. etc. etc.

It's quite ironic really, I missed the last part of last year's Grade 11 camp because I had to go and attend the first DEP session. Now, I had to leave it because of the DEP training, and this was the LAST session!!! ARGHHHH!!! Life really does have a funny sense of humour..

And then, when picking me up to send me home, I found out, to my horror, that Mr Wong had packed everything up for me and had put it inside his car. I knew that I had left a mess behind, which made things even worse. I blabbered to him that I had meant to go back to school to pack things by myself. He then remarked, "So you wanted me to go and send you to school and then send you back home." I didn't know what to say. But I was burning with embarrassment. Sigh... I felt (and still feel) very bad. Both about my stuff and the fact that I left Mr Wong to do what I was supposed to do.

Some time after the camp, we were talking about it, and Mr Wong asked me this, which made me even more uncomfortable about myself:

"Why did you join the camp? Did you join it for the sake of helping? Or just because you wanted to make more friends?"

This was because I really wanted to be with the Grade 11s, and when I was asked whether I could be a photographer, I wanted to reject it, but because I had to leave the camp so many times, I had no choice. I accepted it very reluctantly. Mr Wong noticed this. And it made me think a lot about myself. About service for the sake of service, and not because of some ulterior motive. Then I thought about what I did in life, and whether I was really being true to myself, or whether I generally did the things I did because I had ulterior motives. After a few merry-go-rounds I gave myself a mental shakeup and told myself that I was thinking too much. As usual. But he is right, I should be helping because I want to help, not decide to help in something only because I like it and be difficult to work with if I get a job I don't want.

Well, that's the camp. On the day I returned home, my sister broke her wrist when she fell down during rollerblading. The bone was broken into two and her wrist was in a very unnatural position. It made me cringe just to look at it. But she was strong. Not crying at all and wanting to go to school even the next day. Haha. Gosh I wonder whether I'd be able to do that.

But my sister was not the only one who got hurt. Ian Cheah had a hernia at 3 am on Saturday and had to go to the hospital. He actually had to walk down the slope to the gate because it was locked. I was asleep by this time and didn't see anything, or else I would've helped. But I wanted to make good things out of bad things and so we all wrote him get well cards in school on Monday and Mr Wong and I went to pass the stuff to him in the hospital after school. I really hope that he appreciates the stuff as he rests at home.

Errmm... Gosh.. I really did write much more than I expected to...

Okay, while that was a nice time escaping from the reality which is the present, I really need to get back to work now. I have stuff (like that accursed EE).

I'm under pressure, but I'm glad that I'm doing something fulfilling with my life. =)

End

2009-02-07T17:22:00.004+08:00

Finally... The weeks is over...
Sigh.. This week has been a killer. I never knew that so much stuff could come in one single week. Let me list things out.

English:
- World lit essays due
- English Class Presentation
History:
- Essay test in class on China from Underwood
Economics:
- Test on Inflation and Unemployment
Biology:
- Heart dissection (okay, this was fun, but I'm just putting it in here because it was eventful. And I still can't forget the fact that the smell of the blood in there was compared to menstruation blood. RIGHT *******?)
Maths:
- Was supposed to do Maths IA, but decided against it because I had waay too much on. So looks like I was worrying the whole week for something I decided not to do after all. This allowed me to make fun of those who had to do it. =)
French:
- French test based on the exam style
Debate:
- Had to prepare a case to spar against my juniors
Church:
- I'm co-leading worship for a Valentine's Day thing on the 14th
School Misc:
- I'm part of the faciling team for the Grade 11 camp. Whooooo..

And this was followed by the university talk on Saturday.

And I can't believe that I got through it without dying. Although I was told by someone that I grew many more pimples since the last time we met. The stress must've gotten to me. Dang.

On a high note, the SJII junior debaters got through the first preliminary round beating IJ unanimously by a 5 point margin on average (a huge margin in debate terms).

On a low note I have my ToK presentation on tuesday. Argh.

Did my title say 'End'? I meant: 'To be continued...'

Whut?!

2009-01-30T20:48:00.004+08:00

As many of you should know by now, I'm watching my diet.
As many of you should know by now, I'm also doing my best to lose weight.

Of course, my family knows about my efforts, but I didn't know just what type of effect it would have till today..

This was after dinner and after I had drunk a glass of chocolate milk I made. The chocolate powder was bought in Malaysia and two days before I drunk the same thing, only to get a bad stomach. However, at the time, I didn't link it directly to the drink and instead thought that it had something to do with the fact that I had only slept for a few hours the night before. This time, however, I was sure that it was the drink's fault as my stomach began to feel weird and woozy a few minutes after I finished drinking it (it's a terrible feeling and I didn't want to go through it again). So I decided to resort to drastic measures.

So now... With my mom in the scene...
Me: I think I.. I'm gonna go and force myself to vomit now.
Mom: Huh?! Why?
Me: It's because of that drink *points to drink*. I drunk it before and something went wrong with my stomach. I wasn't sure that it was because of the drink then but now I'm sure because my stomach feels very weird now.
Mom: Oh.. Okay.. *pauses*

Jose... You're not anorexic or bulimic are you?

At this point I just abruptly stopped walking and stared at my mom with a 'What-in-the-world-are-you-thinking?!' type of face.

My mom, after a few seconds: Okay.. Just checking that's all.

My sister began to make a comment about anorexia but I had left the room by then and was going downstairs to do the deed.

What watching your diet does for you eh?

Seriously...

2009-01-28T01:37:00.003+08:00

I hate working late nights. I hate logging onto my computer. I hate doing French essays late at night. I hate doing this sort of stuff, because by doing French late at night, something weird happens to me.

1. It's late at night
2. I have to do a French essay which I've been procrastinating
3. Because it's late at night, my brain isn't working and I need a dictionary for even those simple words which I do know.
4. This means that I'm using the internet as a dictionary
5. ALSO because it's late at night, I'm not focused and my mind drifts
6. Therefore I go and search for weird stuff on the internet (such as Caliban from Shakespeare's the Tempest)

And I never end up doing my work and I end up doing nothing.

Moral of the story: Do your French essays beforehand. You'll never kill yourself slowly that way.

The Senior Council...

2009-01-23T20:46:00.004+08:00

I didn't make it.. But I'm still happy, for the people who ARE in it.. Are capable and I trust that they'll do what they can for the school.. Congratulations to:
1. Ian
2. David
3. Wei Jin
4. Thiru
5. Savy, & our favourite girl
6. Hilda! =D

Haha. I'm just glad that over here, we have a good team. And I hope that here, many good things will be done for SJII. Yes, I know that I sound like a crazy pro-SJII nut who's been brainwashed by the SJII media.

Well, I can admit to two things:
1. Yes, I've been brainwashed.
2. No, it's not by some subliminal messages or chemicals slipped into the canteen food. It's by the school spirit itself.

Can I not emphasise it any more when I say that I love my school? I've honestly never felt this way about an educational institution before. Maris Stella was an okay school. Overall nice, but I never felt a sense of belonging and loyalty to it. You must be sick of me saying this, but SJII has given me that sense of belonging I've never felt before. I love the people here and I love the whole atmosphere. Sure, there's lots of stress but at least I have people to joke and whine about it together with. I have many many friends and no enemies. And we're like a big family (of course, like in all families you have your tiny factions. But it's generally really fantastic).

In many ways, this is a blessing in disguise. Really, if any of you SJII folk had seen me last year, I don't think you would've recognised my personality. I am so grateful to this school for what it has taught me in communicating and building relationships. At least now.. I can focus more on my studies... At least now.. I know what I must do in order to stand out. In order to get chosen.

I just realised how important it is to be a leader.. I guess I can be proud of myself, for in many ways I've had a whole post-puberty's worth of experience squeezed into one year. I've learned something new, and I want to make sure it leaves its imprint on my life.

I used to think that I could sit in the background, giving suggestions and hoping that they would be implemented. I now realise that in many ways, the world isn't like that. If you want something done, just go and do it yourself. Take initiative. Be proactive. Be a leader. To do big things, you need to be a big person.

Last year, I never would've dreamed of even taking part in a senior council.. And the mere fact that I even participated.. In some way, that is quite a huge personal victory for me (thanks Mr. Wong).

I want to help in SJII, and so, I should now grab any opportunity I can to do so. If any of the people in the senior council are now reading this, just know that if you need anyone to help you, I'm more than happy to do so. It's for the school after all. =)

To end off with a quote (again, thank you Mr. Wong):
"We learn wisdom from failure much more than success. We often discover what we WILL do by finding out what we will NOT do."
- Samuel Smiles (1812-1904)

The world is my classroom, and life is my lesson.
We're always learning...

Pause and do a Check.

2009-01-15T21:23:00.002+08:00

What happened in the past few days in my life:
1. My mom lost a lot of money from her wallet, and there’s a very high possibility that someone from the household took it. If so, that’s the saddest thing possible, for somebody that all of us trusted actually took money, and now doubt is being cast over the family...
2. We put my sister’s dog to sleep. I believe that my sister was prepared for this. Unfortunately, I don’t think that my mom was as well prepared, as were my aunts. My mom was saying that she wanted to give away our other dog because she couldn’t take the pain. Sigh... But we all need to learn, don’t we?
3. I am able to go for singing lessons! Hopefully they’re good too! Two types of singing lessons. One is in Chinese and is for Chinese Folk Songs (horror of horrors [haha, kidding, the song we’re learning is quite nice]). Only problem is, all the participants in the Jelan Besar CC besides my father and I are
a.Women, and
b.Old, and
c.Thought that my father and I were originally friends... Oh gosh... Argh...
And now I’m ALSO going for another singing course by a jazz singer. So twice a week, different styles. I hope my throat doesn’t asplode from the strain.
4. I found out that I am going for a debate competition (which is tomorrow). Just when I thought the stress was over... We were supposed to train for it over the hols, but the stupid fact that everyone was overseas + the other fact that we couldn’t prepare on the first week due to the Grade 11 Orientation Week = Whoop-tee-doo for us tomorrow
5. I am going to adjudicate the MJC debates on Saturday. Halp... I hope I don’t screw up. My only consolation (if it can be considered as one) is that there are others out there worse than me..

But today... Today... Something special happened... You told me.. You told me that you Elled me. And... I don’t know what to say. There’s so much to say, and so much that I can’t say. But I need time. I know that. You know that. And we both understand, and I’m glad. And I’m so glad that you’re there.

Oh aren’t we just like puppies?

And when we grow up, let’s try not to be like dogs, eh? For they do weird stuff. =P

Pause and do a Check.

2009-01-15T21:23:00.001+08:00

You... Incendo My Life....

2009-01-11T22:47:00.002+08:00

Yeap! Incendo for the Grade 11s was over last week on Friday. It was stressful. It was a crapload of work. It was so much..

But it was fun... I enjoyed it so much, although I wasn't able to interact directly with the Grade 11s. I can only hope that I can do that as time goes by... You know.. Incendo reminded me of why I love this school.. Because of the fact that it makes you feel welcome.. Because everyone seems to be nice and friendly.. I love my school (despite the insane amount of work we get and are gonna get), and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world!

Sigh... Less than a year left for us Grade 12s.. Let us go through school well!

P.S. Pictures coming up on facebook! Look at my status!

It's Amazing.

2009-01-08T20:54:00.004+08:00

I'm happy... I'm very happy... I'm not going to say why. Just not yet. But I'm feeling so happy... A mixture of things really, but oh the happiness is so overpowering..

Although I have so much to deal with in the future, life seems to be just that much brighter..

Bittersweet New Year

2009-01-05T23:36:00.002+08:00

Who knew that so much could change within the span of one New Year weekend? Finding out that a member of your family looked down on you, finding out that your sister's dog has been injured in the spine and now can't walk on his hind legs, realising that you're not as great a person as you thought you were (you tried, but apparently you didn't try hard enough) and knowing that you have a crapload of work waiting for you in the next year.

Yes. New years are tough. But this one has been the toughest so far. And why is there a 'sweet' in 'bittersweet'? Well, because all these bad things have allowed me to realise just how much I could change and needed to change. It also allowed me to know what happiness really was and where and how I should go and find it. It also allowed me to learn about myself, to know that Jose, you are a person who needs to change, and you will change, because your life will be miserable if you don't.

And also because You're there. =)

I need to do many things.
Here are my resolutions....

1. Grow fitter (har har har stop laughing)
2. Stop being a procrastinator
3. Be more proactive
4. Focus more on your own family boy, it's the only one you get in your life
5. Don't be so lazy
6. Don't be so irresponsible
And..
7. Don't try to be who you aren't

The last one just hit me hard today as I was trying to 'fit in with the cool crowd' in my own way. I realised... That I couldn't do it. That it just wasn't me. And another thing struck me... Everyone else who wasn't doing it.. Seemed happy where they were. Why did I need to try to be popular? Why did I need to try to be someone else who I'm not?
I also realised something discomforting... That when you're a teenager.. Sometimes you don't really even know who you are. Who is the real you? All those different sides of you. Are they you? Or are they just you trying to be someone you aren't? Who am I?

Guess you are who you are when you're around those you care for the most.. I must remember this..

Another reason why I'm being looked down upon at home is because I try too hard to fit in.. My siblings can feel it, and I don't think they like it. And I'm hurting those I don't want to the most.

I"m just glad that it's slowly being sorted out right now.. I don't want to live in a house where the only happy moments with this family member of mine are memories...

On a lighter note, it's the Grade 11 orientation week already. I felt old. And it hit me that I had less than a year left. And it hit me that I should be trying not to fit in by changing myself to the extreme. But rather, by using what I am to fit in. What a hard lesson this'll be.

Did I say lighter? Whoopsie. Well, on a truly lighter note, I'm gonna start uploading pics SOON. Of my vacation where I have lots of umglam shots of me (Celebrate! Those who have suffered from having my unglam shots of them on facebook! [practically the whole grade]) and of the Incendo planning day!

I plan to be a happier person. But like I read in a blog somewhere, we must take baby steps...

Off Off and Away!!!

2008-12-29T00:16:00.002+08:00

Going to Thailand tomorrow (or today, rather...)
Will be back on the 1st. I'll be celebrating the beginning of 2009 in Thailand!! If I do celebrate it, that is... My family isn't exactly the celebrating sort... We just have barbecue on Christmas Eve. Not to celebrate Christmas though, but more to just celebrate and to use Christmas (what a convenient day) to celebrate it since everyone is free anyway.
Birthdays are just cakes at 10 pm. But it's fine. Presents? Whatever nice thing you got in the few weeks in the temporal vicinity of your birthday. But we're fine with it.

I just hope that we stay safe in the national park in Thailand..

Well... Bon Voyage folks! You won't be seeing me again till the new year!

IB work? What IB work? (I'm so screwed...)

Christmas Day

2008-12-25T23:33:00.001+08:00

What a normal Christmas Day this has been. But then again, it has been special in its own way....

Funnily enough, I stopped listening to Christmas songs today. Hmm... =)

Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire...

2008-12-24T16:11:00.002+08:00

Back from Desaru! Sunburn! Big strong waves! Sand! Surf! Family time! Fun... =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas. What a day. What a season.

I just had a really interesting conversation regarding Christmas and its significance with a friend of mine. He's an agnostic and every time I tried to wish him a merry Christmas he would go, "Don't wish me a merry Christmas! I refuse to accept your merriment!" Of course, I had to ask why. He then told me that he didn't like the way Christmas was being bastardised and commercialised to the point that it didn't even hold its true meaning anymore.
Christmas, as we Christians know it, is a season of goodwill, giving and care and love for all mankind. But it's also ultimately about celebrating the birth of Jesus. And my friend told me that he was unhappy with the way Christmas is now celebrated as a holiday of sales and shopping and how it's being celebrated worldwide by everyone not as a season of commemorating the birth of Christ but as a season of cheap goods. I then said that Christmas was also a way to remind us Christians that we needed to be good to everyone. Here's a snippet of the conversation.

Me: Christmas is a season of being good to everyone else.
Him: Well aren't you Christians supposed to be good all the time?
Me: Yes, but then we are by nature sinners and so Christmas reminds us that we need to be good.
Him: So you're telling me that sinning is allowed on all days except Christmas?
Me: Nonono! I'm saying that we're not supposed to sin but because we're by nature sinners we do and Christmas reminds us that we're not supposed to and hence we do our best to not sin during this period!
Him: But why have it only on one day? Why not throughout the whole year then?
Me: Because if we did it all the time it would lose its meaning and specialness. Us humans are like that by nature!
Him: You do know I'm actually defending your religion here right?
Me: No you're not! You're a... TRADITIONALIST!!!
Him: *starts laughing* I'm not a traditionalist!!!

And yeah... The conversation kinda turned different and slightly off-topic from there. But in the end, after many many many wishes, he finally said, "All right! All right! I'll accept your Merry Christmas! But I do so grudgingly!"

The conversation, while entertaining, did make me think though. Have we really forgotten the true meaning of Christmas? I believe that many of us Christians do. Heck, even I did till he reminded me. I mean, yeah, I knew what it was all about, but its true meaning didn't really hit me till this conversation.
Have we really bastardised what Christmas is supposed to be all about? I suppose I forgot to add to that conversation that in many ways, God allows us to celebrate through myriad means. And as long as you can find and feel love, you're celebrating Christmas in your own way, Christian or not. Because the birth of Christ is about God's love for the world that he would give his one and only son and so we need to... for want of a better phrase.. Spread the love! So whether we spend it buying presents or going mad over sales. When we receive presents and give them and receive love and give it (and giving love is receiving it in its own way), we're reliving God's love for us. And we do need to do it every single day of the year.

*looks at above paragraph*
That seemed like a slightly disjointed train-of-thought piece of work. Ah well, just what I've been thinking since that conversation. The topic really is quite thought-provoking I must admit..

Hmm... But anyways, it's Christmas Eve.. Almost one day.. Just a few hours left... MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

ACCEPT IT! =P =)

And Now.. Ladies and Gentlemen...

2008-12-21T00:13:00.002+08:00

Went for a jazz concert tonight. Spent some time out first in the morning and afternoon with The One. The jazz concert was niiicceee... Bossa Nova. Jeremy Monteiro and many other people, there was even this 86 year old harmonica player. But they were FANTASTIC.

Funny thing happened in the concert hall though. It was the intermission. I was taking pictures. One of the security men came to me and went, "Uh.. Sir, I'm sorry but you can't take pictures here." I went, "I can't take pictures? Oh, alright then." And made my way back to my seat, disturbing all those already seated (it was a nice seat at the front row of the third circle [pretty far away, but with a pretty view]).
Thing is, I then tried to sneak a picture or two while walking back. It was blurred. So then I just tried to take pictures without looking through the viewscreen (hoping that I wasn't looking too suspicious). They all turned out bad. So after a few times doing this, I just went, "What the heck, he probably won't notice me" and started snapping through the viewscreen. I then turned to my left and saw the security man making his way towards me through all the people already seated. They looked kinda pissed. It was then I realised that I was the source of this and I hurriedly packed my camera with my friend laughing at me to my side. Too late. He reached me and said, "Sir, could I ask you to please delete your pictures?" I had been caught. What could I do? I slowly started deleting with him looking. It was taking a long time, so I zoomed out.
There's a special feature of my camera. When I zoom out in picture-viewing mode, it goes to this screen where nine pictures are shown. So I started deleting these nine pictures. When the last one was deleted, the security guy said, "Thank you sir." and walked away. Too bad he didn't see the screen load up with another nine pictures already taken.

Ooh I just love the feel of doing something illegal. Wonder why we even have this rule? Why can't I take pictures during the intermission? Makes no sense. Bleagh.

I love jazz music. It's always so lively. Especially when the players start interacting with each other. Which is why I don't really like our school jazz band. It isn't a jazz band. It's a band which plays jazz music, which really isn't the same thing at all... Too bad I'll be quitting most of my CCAs next year...

And tomorrow I'm leaving for Desaru and coming back on the 23rd, after which I'll be leaving on the 29th for Thailand and coming back on the 2nd. Which means that I'll have to bring my IOP to Desaru to practice it and complete my EE on the 23rd, 24th, 25th and 26th because I plan to go out on the 27th. Whoopee me. It's soooo tight...

IB.. IB... ARGHHHHHH...

Momentum..

2008-12-17T22:40:00.001+08:00

I think I have it.. Done IA... Almost.. MUST COMPLETE IOP AND EE!!!!!!!!! AND WORLD LIT 2!!!!

My Brother's Bunny

2008-12-15T14:36:00.003+08:00

Just bit me.

And now... where she bit me.. There's some swelling... Argh....

Just that she refused to let me pick her up and bring her upstairs because she was distracting me with her jumping all around the room and onto my bed, treating it as if it were the New World...

History IA... I've gotta do you by today... Or else I'll lose the bet...

Treasured Stuff...

2008-12-13T00:07:00.007+08:00

Why is it that we can only appreciate things after they're gone or not available for the near future?
Conversely, why is it that we can only appreciate the magnitude of responsibilities that are on us when they're coming closer?

Curse the holidays and the workload placed upon us..

And so in a small effort to block out my mind and drift away for a tiny bit, I shall do an activity from Rowland's blog.

"Put your MP3 player on shuffle, and write down the first line of the first twenty songs. Post the poem that results. The first line of the twenty-first is the title."

Of course, I'm going to remove all instrumentals, non-English and all non-song/musical-pieces items in my iPod [yes I do have them] since they won't really make much sense in the context...

Okay... Starting....

Uh, huh, She loves the monkey's uncle (The Monkey's Uncle - The Beach Boys)

Oh yes I'm the great pretender (The Great Pretender - Queen)
You belong to my heart (You Belong to My Heart - Solamente Una Vez)
Royal Oil, come on bubble and boil (Royal Oil - Mighty Mighty Bosstones)
I don't want a lot for Christmas (All I Want for Christmas is You - Mariah Carey)

Guten-tag hop hop (Guten-tag hop-clop - Will Ferrell)
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene (Jolene - Dolly Parton)
Go to sleepy little baby (Didn't Leave Nobody But the Baby - Gillian Welch, Alison Krauss & Emmylou Harris)
There's something sweet, and almost kind (Something There - Paige O'Hara)

When the daylight's gone and you're on your own (At Your Side - The Corrs)
If tomorrow is judgment day (My Love is Your Love - Whitney Houston)
Your arms around me are tender and warm (Let's Put it All Together - The Stylistics)
Cigarettes and chocolate milk (Cigarettes and chocolate milk - Rufus Wainwright)

It's cold outside (Red Dwarf Theme - Howard Goodall)
Close the door (Call the Man - Celine Dion)
The changing of sunlight to moonlight (Reflections of My Life - Marmalade)
You can dance, you can jive (Dancing Queen - ABBA)

You're just too good to be true (Can't Take My Eyes Off of You - Vikki Carr)
No more carefree laughter (Knowing Me, Knowing You - ABBA)
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine (Blessed Assurance - Crystal Lewis)
Let's get together yay yay yay (Let's Get Together - The Parent Trap)

*stares at poem*

Curse you Rowland... Your one turned out so much better!!!

*stares some more at own poem in an attempt at comprehension*

A Note...

2008-12-09T23:32:00.002+08:00

And Mr. Wong is safe.. Thank God for that...

Not too long ago, I sent out an email. It went out to those I considered my friends in SJII. It was something.. An explanation.. A note... To show that I was still me in some way.

I realise that some of you who I sent the note to might not have received it due it being accidentally deleted (*glares at one individual in particular*) or due to the fact that you might not use your hotmail for your real mail or because it's being filled up with so much junk that you simply didn't catch it.

Or you didn't receive it from me.

But to those who didn't receive it from me and who frequent (or at least visit) this blog, this doesn't mean that I have anything against you, just that I think that our friendship isn't strong enough to have been really affected by what's been happening. Then again, who am I to say that my actions haven't been affecting everybody? I believe that in some small way, I must have affected everybody...

And so, here's the note I sent out... This is for all of those I have affected.. Even though we might not be close friends right now, there's still the whole of next year to build strong (and stronger) friendships. =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To all my dear SJII friends,

Well, it's the holidays now. We're all going overseas or resting at home. And maybe there's that small percentage of people already panicking and trying to complete all the crazy work the IB has set us. But each to his/her own. I've emailed you all for a rather different reason...

As most of you should know, I've been going through some tough times at home. They started mostly after Challenge Week and ever since then I've sometimes found myself just being depressed and emo and feeling like screaming my lungs out (my blog is perhaps some testament to that). As a result of this, I realise that I actually started to become much quieter in school and actually started to stop talking so much and so jovially with my friends. In other words, I retreated into my shell.

Some of you asked after me. Others didn't. Although I really appreciated any encouragement and concern I received, I still felt kinda depressed and just kept emo in school. I felt even more alone. And then began to feel like I wanted to retreat further and further inwards. And now that I think about it, I realise that in many ways, I must've suddenly appeared cold to those who I considered my friends. I most probably pushed them away unknowingly and unconsciously.

And now, I'm feeling the effects of that. I can feel that friendships which I treasure seem to be weakening. Friendships which I thought I had I now don't really have.

So what I want to do now is to apologise. Apologise for being such a jerk. For just feeling all lonely and depressed and not strengthening and keeping the friendships I was supposed to be keeping. This was my fault. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know what I was doing. I never did want to push you guys away, just that things were so complicated for me I just spent most of my time thinking about them and not the other things which mattered.

Perhaps some of you noticed me acting higher and crazier than normal in school. That's one of my ways of escaping from reality. And yet, in this hard period of mine, I also made new friendships. I suspect that I was just looking for another avenue of escape in finding and doing new things. And I love my new friends. Definitely. But I don't want to lose my old ones. Not at all.

Sigh, some of my problems have been solved, although many still remain. In many ways, I'm still confused and still pondering and remain thinking till my head hurts (you should try that one day; thinking till your head actually physically hurts. It's an experience alright). But if I ever do remain cold and distant, just know that it's nothing to do with you. It's all to do with me and what I'm experiencing in my life. I still treasure you guys. A huge bunch, for all you've done and given me. And this year in SJII, although I can't consider it exactly the happiest year in my whole life, I can consider it the most eye-opening and maturing year for me (so far).

Again, my friends, I apologise. I like you guys a lot and don't want to miss you. If you do see me acting weird, just smack me upside my head (or something to that extent). We've got one more year ahead of us. I want to spend it well.

Happy holidays, a Merry Christmas, and a Happy Coming New Year. Try not to stress too much over the IB assignments eh? Besides, what's the worst that could happen?

From The School Idiot,

Jose

P.S.

Don't answer that question.

Safety Comes First

2008-12-05T20:47:00.002+08:00

So Mr. Wong's leaving for Kolkata (aka Calcutta) tonight... I pray he stays safe there... Especially with what's happening in India right now... He has a family to take care of, and us students.

Dang.. When your chances of living might not be certain, life becomes very scary...

I pray that he has a safe trip and comes back home in one piece and well...

Should All Acquaintance Be Forgot?

2008-12-04T21:00:00.002+08:00

Nah......

Q: How about homework?
A: *emphatically nods head* yes! Yes! YES!!!!!

Of course, this is just the pure imaginings of a poor 17 year old deranged boy. Actually, no it isn't. It can be forgotten. Just that it'll be forced back upon the memory come 2009. Why do we have so much work? Why? Why? WHY?!!!!

Moral of this short rant: The IB does funny things to you. Never before have I wanted to do work before the holidays have even finished their first week.

And now, a thought, inspired by events from another person's blog.

The Reasons:
Fifteen reasons why I should be your boyfriend and one reason why I want you to be with me.
1. I'm smart (Albert Einstein couldn't hold a candle to me. My brilliance pwns all)
2. I'm sexy (Chris Evans move aside. This one's the next Mr. Universe!)
3. I'm handsome (Did you ever see a more stunning face?)
4. I'm strong (I'll be bahck)
5. I'm creative (Picasso never got any better than this. Far worse, in fact)
6. I'm incredibly musical (Mozart? Hah! That idiot was a tinkerer on the piano for all I care!)
7. I'm cultured (Renaissance architecture anybody?)
8. I'm well-read (Descartes and Shakespeare are my favourite authors, by Jove!)
9. I'm lovable (You couldn't resist me if you tried)
10. I'm cute (Bunnywabbits look like dirt when near me)
11. I'm humble (Shove along Gandhi!)
12. I'm modest (Talents? What talents? These are just natural abilities. I'm sure you could try to reach for the same height. Don't worry!)
13. I'm sane (Hey, this is very important, haven't you heard of those perfect boyfriends who are perfect in every single way except sanity?)
14. I'm humorous (I'd own Russell Peters if I ever met him)
15. I'm law-abiding (I'd beat up those criminals if I'd have the- Did I say beat up? I meant um... Approach them sternly with a lawful attitude and demeanor and correct them lawfully.)

One reason why I want you to be with me:

1. You're the only one who can tolerate all my stupidity. =)

Q&A

2008-12-03T15:20:00.002+08:00

Q: Doctor, doctor! I'm feeling dead. I'm feeling useless. It's like no matter what I do I feel lousy and feel like I'm wasting everyone's time. I feel like a bum. What should I do?!?!

A: Do your holiday homework and stop loafing about on the internet.

Welcome to the Christmas Month

2008-12-01T08:41:00.003+08:00

We celebrate. We wonder. We give. We get. We fight.

Really now, this month holds a certain magical quality about it, not least because there's no longer any school for some time.

But today I'm going to do something normal; I'm going to go out with some old Maris Stella friends. First time I would've seen most of them in almost a year.

Wonder how much we all would've changed by now...

And yes, now we can put up the Christmas decorations, no?